Caring For Your Writer 101

Having a writer in your life can be confusing. Maybe you’re not sure how to take care of it. Should you take it for walks? How often do you feed it? Don’t worry. I’ve got answers. Here are some ways to properly care for your writer this Christmas.

• Keep plenty of hot chocolate/coffee/tea in the house.
• Buy little festive marshmallows and/or cookies to go with the aforementioned beverages.
• Force your writer out for a walk once a day.
• Make sure it returns from said walk.
• Give your writer space and quiet to work in.
• Make sure your writer’s eating enough…
• …but not too much.
• Buy appropriate Christmas gifts for your writer.
  • Books
  • Another mug
  • Books
  • Warm fuzzy slippers
  • Books
  • New sticky-notes, notebooks, and pens
  • But not red pens. Never red pens
  • Gift cards for books
  • A seventh cat
• Hug your writer once per hour.
• Do not try to hug your writer if it barks at you when approached.
• Express excitement over your writer’s next book.
• Avoid trigger-words such as deadline, editor, agent, typo, or rejection.
• Pretend not to be worried about your writer’s Google search history.
• Reassure your writer you love and cherish it.
• Gently remind your writer that sleep is important even during the holidays…
• …but don’t bother waiting up for it.
• When your writer does put away the laptop/notebook, welcome it back into the land of the living gently and soothingly.
• If your writer spooks and runs, do not call the police. It probably knows how to evade them.
• Leave an open book and a bag of coffee grounds by the back door. Your writer will return safely.
• Be generous with your signs of affection towards your writer.
• Wrap your gifts in printouts of all your writer’s good reviews.
• Surprise your writer by hanging the Hemingway ornament near the top of the tree this year.
• Remember that, at the end of the day, your writer appreciates and loves you too!