101 Lies Writers Tell

They won’t all apply to you, but I guarantee some of them will. (I thought it would be really hard to come up with 101 entries, but once I got the ball rolling…well, let’s just say the list didn’t take long.)


1. I don’t need to write this down.

2. No one will notice this plot hole.

3. I’ll remember that idea in the morning.

4. I can get through this chapter without coffee.

5. I’m a decent proofreader.

6. My friend’s a decent proofreader.

7. That was the last typo.

8. I can write while I watch.

9. Just a quick five-minute Twitter break.

10. No, I don’t actually have a crush on my character.

11. This rewrite should only take an hour or two.

12. I’ll save my snack for when I finish the chapter.

13. Yes, I take a break every hour.

14. That two-star review didn’t bother me.

15. I’m going to write every day this month.

16. I really didn’t enjoy writing the villain’s death scene.

17. Sales aren’t important to me.

18. Yes, you can be in my next book.

19. No, those aren’t tear stains on the page.

20. One red pen should be enough.

21. There’s no way I’ll lose this sticky note.

22. My second draft probably won’t need that much work.

23. I’m super flexible. Interrupt me anytime.

24. Of course I don’t get jealous of other authors’ success!

25. I don’t even pay attention to my follower count.

26. My debut is a bestseller. Didn’t you read my Twitter bio?

27. I’ll only need to print one copy.

28. This Sims character looks great on the cover.

29. I can skip the proof copy.

30. Decaf is fine.

31. Sure, you can read my first draft.

32. My characters don’t mean that much to me.

33. What sketchy Google searches?

34. Parties? Yeah, I can skip writing this weekend.

35. No, I’m not writing down that random couple’s conversation.

36. I’ve never researched assassination methods.

37. No, for real. I #amwriting.

38. I’m just wearing earphones for style. Feel free to talk to me.

39. It doesn’t bother me when crappy books become bestsellers.

40. I don’t daydream what my book would look like as a film.

41. My protagonist has nothing to do with me at all.

42. I value your opinion about what I should write next.

43. This chapter offends you? Let me get rid of that for you.

44. No writing snacks today.

45. My draft will be done by the end of the month, no sweat.

46. I’ve never cried with my protagonist.

47. All my Pinterest boards are public. I don’t keep secrets.

48. Your DM convinced me to buy your book.

49. My work space is always in Instagram condition.

50. I never struggle with self-doubt.

51. Microsoft Word fonts look great on book covers!

52. Sleep trumps writing.

53. I always evaluate writerly quotes before I share them.

54. The world really needs more vampire stories.

55. Shirtless, six-pack dude on the cover? A mark of quality literature for sure.

56. Shampoo commercial babe on the cover? A mark of quality literature for sure.

57. My fantasy book title needs the word ‘Chronicles’ in it somewhere.

58. Every person on earth must love my book or else.

59. I have to get each scene right on the first try.

60. No, I don’t leaf through books just to smell the pages.

61. Writing a book is easy. Anyone can do it.

62. Someone didn’t like my book. I guess I failed as an author.

63. My characters always obey me.

64. Writing is just a hobby. I don’t take it that seriously.

65. My characters must all be gorgeous or no one will like them.

66. Needs more prophecy.

67. Keep spamming your buy links. I’ll probably give in eventually.

68. You have a second cousin who also writes? Of course I’ll email him right away.

69. Anyone could be a bestseller if they just had more time to write.

70. No, I don’t collect rejection letters.

71. The fact that ‘erotica’ exists as a genre doesn’t make me gag.

72. Of course I always follow my own writing advice.

73. I only get on Youtube for research purposes.

74. You self-publish ten books a year? You must be so gifted.

75. No, I’ve never used Jelly Beans as motivation.

76. It’s safe to leave the house without a notebook.

77. It’s safe to leave the house without pens.

78. It’s safe to leave the house.

79. Talk out loud to my characters? Nope.

80. The thousands of writerly advice blog posts I see each day really shape the way I write.

81. That book cover you made with MS Paint looks great.

82. No, I wouldn’t rather live in my story world.

83. I don’t go to coffee shops. I guess I’m not the real deal.

84. I don’t use the latest Mac. I guess I’m not the real deal.

85. Yes, cat. You may sit on my laptop.

86. I regularly take days off.

87. Sure, I can leave this scene half finished. I won’t lose my train of thought.

88. My character’s eye color is always consistent in first drafts.

89. No, none of my character names have real meaning.

90. Needs more love triangle.

91. 99c is a fair price for all the work I put into this book.

92. I don’t need to write today.

93. Noise is fine.

94. I got my opening line right on the first try.

95. I got my opening line right on the second try.

96. I got my opening line right on the fiftieth try.

97. I’m satisfied with my opening line.

98. I read every single free ebook I download.

99. Romance based on physical attraction alone is healthy for readers, right?

100. I’ve never wanted to change my name to something more ‘authorish’.

101. It’s hard to make money as a writer? You’re the first person to warn me about that.

I lied.gif


There’s a confession booth in the back. Feel free to visit.

 

 

 

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10 Incorrect Assumptions About Writers

Let’s face it, we writers have built something of a reputation for ourselves. I won’t deny my own…unique characteristics, and I know you lot are in the same boat. But that doesn’t mean everything non-writers think about us is necessarily true. In fact, here are some common misconceptions people tend to have about writers that are usually false:

#1 Writers depend on inspiration

In this scenario, I define inspiration as the strong urge to write (as opposed to inspiration from a specific place or person). While inspiration is helpful, serious writers discipline themselves to write regardless of whether or not they’re inspired at the time.

#2 Writing is just a hobby

For a lot of people, it is. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with that. But people don’t seem to realize that writing can also be a vocation, a life-ambition, and even a full career.

#3 Writers don’t enjoy other people

I don’t think this is the case at all. Sure, we often seclude ourselves to work, and a lot of us are strong introverts. But we still need people. We need friends and loved ones just as much as the next guy.

#4 Anyone can be a writer

False. Not everyone can be a writer. Sure, anyone can pick up a pen and write a two-page story. Pretty much everyone I know has started a novel at some point. But it’s the stubborn dedication to finish that novel that sets apart the writers from the casual dabblers.

#5 Writers only write when they have time

While it’s true that most writers have day jobs and other responsibilities competing for their time, anyone who is serious about their craft will actively carve out time, even in little amounts here and there, to set aside for writing.

#6 Writers are always looking for input

Sorry guys, but writers don’t necessarily need suggestions about their next plot twist or character creation. Of course, we’ll occasionally ask for help (normally from other writers), but for the most part we don’t need to be told what to write about next.

#7 Writers are always depressed

I’m honestly not sure where this belief originated. It’s just not true. Most of the writers I know are the happiest people alive. Granted, maybe we tend to experience emotions more intensely than some others (I’m sure there’s a whole science behind that possibility), but that doesn’t mean we’re always depressed.

#8 Writers base characters on their friends

This one is partially true, because a lot of writers take personality traits from friends or family members and incorporate them into their characters. But it’s false to think every character in a book is a carbon copy of one of the author’s friends.

#9 Writers base the protagonist on themselves

Similarly to the last point, writers don’t actually make themselves the protagonist all the time. As a matter of fact, I’d say we’re trying very hard not to do so. I don’t quite get why so many people ask me “so are you the main character?” when they read my book. Honestly, we’re not even that similar (I hope).

#10 Writers can’t make money

I’ve talked about this before. When I tell people I’m a writer/author, they automatically say something like “oh, but it’s so hard to make a living doing that. What’s your real job?” And while I understand the sentiment, and they’re not technically wrong, I would like to remind everyone that with a lot of hard work and a bit of luck, it is actually possible to earn a basic living writing books.


What assumptions have people made about you when they find out you’re a writer? Are some of them true? Or are you drastically misunderstood? Let me know in the comments below. In the meanwhile, have a great day!

The Writer’s Life According To Toy Story

It’s been some time since the last episode of The Writer’s Life According To, but we’re back once more!

Shall we get down to business? The writer’s life as told by Toy Story…

Note: as usual, none of the gifs belong to me. They can all be found at giphy.com. 

1
When someone makes the mistake of asking about your book.
2
Putting all your hard-practiced social skills on display.
3
When you write the first kissing scene…
4
When you’re on your 4th cup of coffee and it’s not even noon…
5
Reading something you wrote five years ago.
6
When someone hasn’t heard of your favorite author.
8
When someone says movies are better than books.
9
Being forced to try your hand at marketing.
10
When a friend tells you they don’t like to read.
7
When you write the words ‘The End’…

The Writer’s Life According to Winnie the Pooh

Oh, bother. Here we go again! As usual, none of these gifs belong to me. All of them can be found on giphy.com.

giphy (1)
When you run out of motivational snacks.
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That first 5-star review.
giphy (3)
What you spend 90% of your time doing.
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When formatting time rolls around…
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Self-publishing in a nutshell.
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When people ask what it’s like to be a writer.
giphy (7)
New books and your bank account.
giphy (8)
When minor characters try steal all the attention.
giphy (9)
“Can I be a character in your next book?”
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Those pesky buy-my-book messages on social media.

If you’re just joining the series, check out the previous installations of The Writer’s Life According To… here:

…Jack Sparrow

…Sheldon Cooper

…Minions

…Gollum

Thanks for stopping by, and have a great day!

Header image from https://www.flickr.com/photos/bibliodyssey/3066786506

In Case Of Book Sale, Break Glass

Not everyone knows how to react when a stranger (or even a friend) buys and reads their book. Here’s a quick, step-by-step guide so you know exactly what to do next time this happens to you.

Step 1: Panic

What? What is this? This can’t happen. I’ve been exposed. Compromised! Someone knows my name now! 

Step 2: Succumb to misery

They won’t like it. It’s not good enough. They have more followers than me on Twitter, and they’ll tell everyone how bad my book is. 

Step 3: Tell yourself everything will be okay

Maybe things won’t be that bad. They might like parts of it. After all, it’s not terrible, is it? 

Step 4: Engage in mild celebration

Yay…I guess. First book sale this month. So…things are looking up, you could say. *Tosses confetti on self* Probably clicked on it by accident, though. 

Step 5: Hope for the best

Well, who knows? If they do like it, maybe I’ll get a good review. Maybe they’ll recommend it to someone else. Fingers crossed! 

Step 6: Decide how to respond

Okay, so they tweeted about it. Should I favorite it? Thank them? Is that too arrogant? Do I tell them I hope they like it? No, it’s a book, a piece of my soul, not a snowcone. Better play it cool and not say anything. But…is it kosher to retweet? 

Step 7: Realize you have no idea what you’re doing anymore

It’s been fifteen minutes, and I haven’t moved a muscle. People around me are starting to look worried. If I had more sales I’d be better at this. 

Step 8: Repeat step 1

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The Writer’s Life According To Gollum

I believe this is the fourth part of The Writer’s Life post series. If you’re just joining now, don’t miss out on the first three!

The writer’s life according to Jack Sparrow

The writer’s life according to Sheldon Cooper

The writer’s life according to Minions


The Writer’s Life According To Gollum

5
Grinding out those last 100 words to meet your quota.
1
The faces you inevitably make when writing in public…
2
When your royalties notice arrives in your inbox. 
3
Trying to ignore your inner editor during the first draft.
4
Writing that chapter where the love interest dies.
6
When your editor sends back corrections and suggestions…
8
…but they urge you to make the changes anyway.
10
When an interviewer/reader asks what your next book is about.
7
The faces you make when brainstorming a new idea.
9
When you get a new story idea in the middle of your current project.

 

(These gifs do not belong to me. All gifs found at giphy.com)