22 Symptoms of Characteritis

Ever wondered if you’re actually a character in some random writer’s new story? Don’t worry! Here are some of the most common characteritis symptoms. It’s just like Googling that weird bruise on your toe: check to see if any of the symptoms match, and if one or two feel right, you’ll probably be dead by the end of the book!

Common Symptoms of Characteritis:

You frequently hold your breath without realizing it.

Your heart pounds/hammers/drums/thuds at unhealthy rates.

You get inexplicable stamina boosts.

You rely more on adrenaline than on nutrition.

You frequently lose consciousness, but you’re immune to concussions.

Your spine tingles/shivers/itches at random.

Your eyes scrunch/narrow/squint/glisten/widen/shut/open/gleam/flash every time you say something important.

You get interrupted every time you try to kiss someone.

You randomly pause whatever you were doing for a moment of intense introspection.

You frequently open your mouth to say something, then change your mind.

If others are surprised at you, they hide it well.

You often clench your fists, but only to express righteous anger.

You die a lot.

You run into random rivers a bit too often.

Your stomach curls/tightens/drops every time something bad happens, but you suffer no digestive side effects.

Your breath catches at random points in your respiratory process.

You have an identity crisis at age sixteen and change your name three times.

You have a knack for identifying the exact hue and depth of people’s eyes.

You’re prone to gunshots and stab wounds, but impervious to pulled muscles, stomach cramps, colds, and ear infections.

Falling to your knees is your compulsive response to tragedy. Your knees don’t bruise.

A funny friend starts tagging along everywhere you go.

You only have one nice teacher.

If you suffer at least three of these symptoms, you’re probably a character! I recommend you go see a specialist since you’re in for a rough ride. If your specialist has a beard and smokes a pipe, don’t get too attached to him. If your specialist is bald and wears glasses, he’ll probably try to kill you at some point.

In the meantime, have a great day!

14 thoughts on “22 Symptoms of Characteritis

  1. Ah, you forgot one- there’s also “inexplicably discovering ability to fight like Black Widow without any previous training just in time to knock out all the baddies”.


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