Do you have friends in your life that enjoy reading and value books? Here are fifteen surefire ways to make steam come out of their ears! Now doesn’t that sound fun?
1) Precariously place a cup of [insert beverage] on the table next to their book.
“Spill? Nah, it won’t spill…”
Anger level: a 2-3 second glare.
2) Go through their new book and dog-ear every third page.
“They’ll never notice.”
Anger level: actual ears folded and glued down.
3) Reorganize their bookcase so that books of a series are all on different shelves.
“Hey, I did some spring cleaning for you!”
Anger level: silent treatment for an hour.
4) Toss their book down cover-up with the pages spread open.
“But I don’t want to lose my place!”
Anger level: forced to write ‘I will treat books gently’ 100 times.
5) Jot down notes and doodles in the side margins. With pen.
“Just like my literature teacher taught me.”
Anger level: thrown out the window. The second story window.
6) Confiscate and abuse their fandom merchandise.
“Mind if I use your wand replica thingy to stir this can of paint?”
Anger level: stupefy!
7) Go through their hardcovers and switch all the dust jackets.
Anger level: LEGO bricks on your floor at night.
8) Use their books to prop open doors and window.
“It was the perfect size. What a delightful breeze!”
Anger level: sleep outside tonight.
9) Belittle their book-buying choices.
“Just get the ebook. It’s way cheaper.”
Anger level: hard-copy-book-smack to the head.
10) Mess up all the story references. On purpose.
“I can’t believe Frodo took the lightning bolt from Voldemort. What a tool.”
Anger level: the ‘I-can’t-even’ treatment.
11) Interrupt them when they’re in the middle of reading.
“But have you seen this cat video?”
Anger level: poked with cattle-prod.
12) Devalue the importance of book accessibility.
“Have you heard? They’re *finally* closing that old library…”
Anger level: unreturned-library-book-smack to the head.
13) Take unwarranted liberties with their books.
“So I sold those books you don’t read anymore for 25 cents at the yard sale while you were gone!”
Anger level: sold for 25 cents at next yard sale.
14) Make fun of their hobbies.
“You post pictures of books? Seriously…this omelet I made is way more photogenic.”
Anger level: #bookwormproblems #foodiesaredumb
15) Look up spoilers for a book they just started reading.
“According to stinkerpedia, your favorite character dies in this one. Are you sure you wanna keep reading?”
Anger level: murdered.