10 Things Not To Say To Writers

We’ve all been through this before: telling a friend, co-worker, or relative that we write fiction, and then bracing ourselves for their reaction. Readers and non-writers, we love you guys, but you can be a handful sometimes!

Them: So what’s your book about?

Me: Okay, I’ve practiced this speech before…crap, I got nothing. *runs away*

Them: Yeah, but what’s your real job? 

Me: [insert cricket chirp here]

Them: Me too! I’ve been writing this one story since I was twelve.

Me: You and I clearly have different understandings of what writers are.

Them: I’m a writer too, I just never have time to do it. 

Me: … *sympathetic pat on the head*

Them: Hey, how’s it going! Are you still writing your little book thingies? 

Me: Aw, thanks for reducing my life ambition to a petty hobby. I’m so glad you care.

Them: You write fantasy? So, like Lord of the Rings? 

Me: The culture is strong with this one.

Them: Can you tell me what you think about this story I wrote when I was twelve? 

Me: *gasp* All those years of studying and developing my craft have prepared me for this moment!

Them: You should get in touch with my great aunt Edith. She’s a writer, too! 

Me: Oh, thanks! I’ve been looking for a way to network with other writers, but it’s such a vast, empty, cold world out there…

Them: Can I be a character in your next book? 

Me: Sure! How would you like to be killed off?

Them: Can I read what you’re working on now?

Me: Aaaagh! Get back, foul creature!


Disclaimer 1: I posted a similar article on an old website, and this one guy really got ticked off about it! He went on a comment-rant about how I was disrespecting my readers. So…to avoid a repeat, this is a humorous post. It’s for the funnies, not the angries. Let’s all try to have fun!

Disclaimer 2: I have nothing against twelve-year-olds OR great aunt Edith. I’m sure great aunt Edith is a lovely person.

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23 thoughts on “10 Things Not To Say To Writers

  1. *to the foul creature* YOU SHALL NOT PASS! Wait a minute come back, I need to know how to incapacitate someone with chopsticks! Great post 🙂

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  2. far out this is exactly what happened to me the other day when I confessed to my friends that I had recently finished my novel! They asked the ‘so what’s your novel about!’ & ‘Can I read what you’re writing now?’

    I told my friend they could read my novel before I publish, now how the hell am I going to get out of it?

    Liked by 1 person

  3. faking my death definitely sounds like the better option!! And yep that’s the problem, it’s not finished, but they keep pestering me. I think I’ll be letting them know that they are my new beta readers hahaha 🙂

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  4. oh and just had to add, it was definitely a ‘proud/arrogant’ moment on my part, where I was like ‘yeah I’ve written a book, how amazing am I. Oh and I have a twitter account with 600 followers’ Then watched in horror as my college friends quickly found my twitter (my god I’m an idiot) and subsequently found my blog, in which I’d spilled the beans about them in one of my articles.

    Time to be humble I think.

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  5. the best course of action when confronted with a writer is to leave a cup of coffee and vanish into the background until they tearing thier hair out ,other frustrated writer stuff, at which point you offer a good book.

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